“If You Can Read …” – shoutforjoy.us

Following Directions

My earliest memory of following directions in school was a kindergarten lesson. Mrs. Richardson gave us each a square piece of colored paper. We had scissors. She told us to round off the corners of the square. We would thus make a circle. I meticulously rounded off the corners of my square. What I ended up with resembled a television tube. I informed Mrs. Richardson that her instructions were faulty. She pointed out to me the other students’ results, which were various circular to egg shaped pieces of paper. I said they may be more circular, but they obviously did not arrive there by following her instructions. They just took the paper and scissors and cut circles.

She apologized and promised to do better in the future. We got along just fine.

When I was born, I did not come with a warning label. My parents rarely, if ever, intervened in any of my conflicts with teachers or administrators at school. My mom or dad would get a call, and they would say, “Take it up with Ford.” Or in high school, “Take it up with Cranford.” Needless to say, adults were a little shocked to hear that kind of response from parents, especially from two who were legally trained and were so involved in politics and the school board, etc. I was the youngest of four. I think it was a combination of my parents were tired of dealing with petty bureaucrats, and the fact that they knew that I could hold my own with these people any day. I guess they were right. After all, I had publicly humiliated both of our US Senators and sometime VPs on their international policy positions in open fora by the time I was 15. (Hubert Humphrey & Walter Mondale) But I digress. This is about following directions.

When I was in high school, I worked as a bicycle mechanic and part-time manager at my mom’s bicycle shop. She had a sewing machine and vacuum machine shop next door. One evening, she and my dad went out for dinner and left me to watch both shops. There was a door between the two. A couple came in. They were interested in a Viking/Husqvarna sewing machine. They asked me if I could show them how to sew a buttonhole. I told them, quite honestly, that I had never used this machine and had never sewn a buttonhole, but that my mom always told me “‘If you can read, you can cook’, so I will look it up in the manual.” That’s what I did.

I sewed a perfect buttonhole step by step and cut the slit. I was amazed! Instead of being impressed, these people were angry. They told me that I was trying to con them; and that I had certainly done that many times before, to make it look so easy! I assured them, that that was the first time I had ever sat down in front of a Viking sewing machine. Viking just wrote their instructions that well. They could try it themselves and have the same result. There was no convincing them. They left angry.

Sometimes, you just can’t win. I have replayed that scene in my mind countless times through the years. I don’t know if the price was too high, if I was too pretty, or what the problem was.

One thing I know: the directions were spot on!

And I know how to follow directions!

Just ask Mrs. Richardson.

Lazy Susan

The lazy Susan in the lower corner cabinet in the kitchen of our apartment fell apart. I went online to see how to repair it. Nowhere could I find that type of mechanism. So there was no hope of finding replacement parts. I did a search for 24″ piecut lazy Susan and found the correct style to replace it with. I needed the type with attached doors. I could order it from Home Depot and have them ship it to our local store. I found the same model at a CabinetParts.com for $8 less, but with an additional, substantial, shipping charge. However, I need to repair the drawers, as well. I had previously looked at Lowe’s, Home Depot, and Ace Hardware. Nothing they had in store would work very well with the plastic drawers in our kitchen. I found single track, under mount, ball-bearing slides for 30% of the price they were available at Home Depot online. This made the order qualify for a $5 off coupon and reduced shipping, which makes it a much better deal than at Home Depot.

I talked with our landlord, Steve, about doing this. I said I would provide the labor, if he would reimburse for the parts. He said he was considering replacing the lower cabinets. I told him I felt they had more years in them, and I would like to keep all that plastic out of the landfill a bit longer. The cabinets are plastic. He gave me the go ahead.

I was surprised to see that the instructions were in Swedish.

The lazy Susan arrived Saturday morning. I had already removed the one, so I got right to installing the new one. The instructions were in fine print and not very thorough. As a result, I ended up attaching and reattaching the doors three times. I had to take out the top plate and reposition it, using a square with a level on it, to insure that the stile was truly vertical. I had to trim the door panels on a table saw. So I finally finished it on Sunday morning.

I still need to caulk the center corner of the door panels, then paint. As the old saying goes, “Putty, caulk and paint make a carpenter what he ain’t!”

When life gives you lemons …

It was just about a week before we got slammed with the coronavirus pandemic that Bethann finally got all of her remnants and bits of fabric neatly sorted on the two 7 foot tall bookshelves we had purchased at Goodwill for $7 each. I had spent hours cutting up boxes from the state store into ~9″x11″ pieces, so that fabric could be wrapped on it, pinned and filed on a shelf by color. Bethann has sold a number of pinwheel swirl dresses, patchwork dresses, various quilted things, etc., as well as making many gifts for our grandchildren and others.

COVID-19 hits. At first, Goodwill stays open. Bethann works there part time sorting donations. On Monday, March 16, they meet with the employees and say that they plan to continue to stay open. That evening, she got an email saying that Goodwill is closing everything at midnight, due to COVID-19. On Wednesday, the owner of the cottage industry where she works sewing six hours a week tells her that she is ill and it would be better if she did not come in. By the end of the week, the governor shut all non-essential business down.

face masks by Bethann Coulter — 40 Face masks for Souderton Mennonite Home /Cranford’s Minion mask / Bethann’s butterfly mask

We have all this fabric! We have loads of elastic! We have sewing machines! We don’t want to be in the same room all of the time! We would like to be productive! Do we make lemonade? Of course not! That would be silly. She makes beautiful face masks. Last week, we delivered about 75 to Grand View Hospital (some adult size, some children size). Today, Souderton Mennonite Home picked up 40 and a family picked up four. She is busy making more.

And yes, she made masks for household members, as well. We wear them whenever we leave the house. Someone told me that a cloth face mask will not help. This is NOT true! A double layer, cotton face mask is 60% to 80% effective to stop the spread of virus. An N95 face mask is %90 effective. It is true that it does not so much protect the one wearing it, as it protects those around them. The best way to stop the spread of this thing is to assume everyone has it. This means we all should be staying home. And when we really need to go out for something, we should wear a mask.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish!

Last week marked the 116th anniversary of the birth of Dr. Suess (Theodor Giesel). I took this as inspiration to paint four more fish for our bathroom in our little rented apartment. I had already pasted the four fish that I painted last year on the walls above around the tub in the new place.

I decided to paint four more fish in the rest of the bathroom. These are all discus fish, from the Amazon River basin. They are painted approximately life-sized. They travel in schools of variegated colours. I paint the canvas the colour of the wall before I paint the fish, because the fins and tails are partly transparent. I use clay based wall paper paste, so I can remove the canvas at any time. It remains water-soluble indefinitely.

Sewing Shite Shirts

My mom, B.J., as I mentioned before, taught me that if I could read, I could do anything. This was most literally demonstrated to me in my experience with sewing clothes. In About 1972, when I was in high school, I was working for my mom as a bicycle mechanic, salesman, and pretty much managing BJ’s Bike Shop in Brooklyn Park, MN, adjacent to BJ’s Viking Sewing Center, where she sold Viking Husqvarna and New Home sewing machines and Eureka vacuum cleaners.

One evening, she could not staff her shop, so I had to look after both stores. There was a door between them, so I could hear the door chimes on either side. A couple came in to look at a Viking sewing machine. They wanted to see how it did buttonholes. I told them that I had never used the machine and had never made a buttonhole in my life, but I would attempt it by following the step-by-step instructions in the manual that came with the machine. I sat down in front of the machine, turned it on, positioned the fabric, lowered the presser foot, opened the manual to the proper page, went through steps 1 through 5 and made a perfect buttonhole. I was astonished! They were not impressed. They were upset. They thought I was conning them and that there was no way it could be that easy. They felt I had to be an expert, when, in fact, I was a rank beginner.

After that I played around with little projects like making little book bags out old jeans legs and such. My first real sewing project was several years later. It was a pair of rusty maroon jeans. I tend to sew like my mom cooked. Sure, she always read the recipe; then improvised. On that first pair of jeans, I eliminated the outside, side seams. This meant I had to use the pattern to figure out curved darts from the waist band to my hips, where the side pockets insert. It meant I had to configure a whole different layout for cutting the fabric. I also stitched my initials in a sort of double line wave on the back pockets, instead of the boring zigzag the pattern called for. I mean if one is going to go to the trouble of making one’s own clothing, why would one want it to look like it came off of a store rack?

My second project was a pair of faux suede, dark green jeans. This time, I made them fitted to the knees, then straight down. I put a different style “CC” on the rear pockets. One day at Finland Mennonite Church, the man behind me asked me if I would make him a pair, only he wanted his initials on the pockets. His name was Chet Cassel. I said I had to maintain my artistic integrity and I could only sign them with my own initials.

The family on our front step on 4th St., East Greenville, July 1983. I’m wearing the outfit I made.

In 1978, I sewed myself a long, flowing, navy kaftan out of shiny, swimsuit fabric. I was working full time and going to seminary full time. A mentally handicapped neighbor came to our door and I answered it wearing it. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were a priest.” I told her I was in seminary. Then it dawned on me, that she was referring to the kaftan. In 1982 I made myself a set of Indian style drawstring pants and shirt in green and light green stripes. My friend’s NY Italian father asked her “Who’s the giant cucumber?” when we visited Manhattan. I walked with Bethann and our friends through Central Park, China Town and Little Italy, dressed in them.

In 2014, our friend, Kork Moyer, read about shite shirts and shite shirt nights in pubs in England. He is a rock musician. He said he really wanted one. I felt the same way. So, that August, while visiting our friends, Marie and Pete Mattson, in Lewes, Delaware, we went to Mare’s Bears Quilt Shop to pick up some fabric for twirl dresses. I spotted some beautiful avocado fabric. I love avocados! I use them a lot in my cooking. Then I found a gorgeous bundle of Robert Kaufman fabric fat squares. I persuaded Bethann to let me use my vacation mad money to buy these to make myself a shite shirt. I added to these bits of eggplants, corn, tomatoes, and peppers fabrics for the pockets and cuffs for a total of 15 different fabrics. I used 9 different buttons from Bethann’s stash. I have gotten comments everywhere I have worn this. I have shown it off at a few different fabric and sewing machine shops and received oohs and ahs. They seem to be amazed that a man was able to do such a thing. This was my first project on the serger machine. I also did various fancy topstitches over all of the seams in metallic gold thread to add a little more pizazz. I finished it the evening of September 17, 2014.

We showed my shirt to Bethann’s boss, Kathy, and her husband, Steve. They hired us to make him a short sleeved one. I did the major part of picking out the fabric. I pieced the fabrics together, topstitched the seams. The featured photo above the headline is the fabric at that point. Next I laid out the pattern and cut it out. Bethann assembled and finished it. It was finished on September 17, 2019, exactly five years after I finished mine! I modeled it for photos before Bethann delivered it today. Kathy and Steve were delighted! Steve is a pharmacist. I hope he wears it to work.

My Home Apothecary

Friday, I spent most of the day making capsules at our kitchen table. I have two capsule machines: size 0 [~500mg] and size 00 [~600mg]. With either of these I can make 24 capsules at a time. It is a slow process, but not difficult. It has allowed us to reduce our use of pharmaceuticals and improve our health dramatically. Back in September 2013, I reported about talking to my doctors about ginger and turmeric. I make those capsules. Since I make them, I can add some black pepper into the turmeric capsules, which is an added bonus, not yet available off the rack at drug stores. Turmeric is much better activated when combined with black pepper. This way, I don’t have to remember to add black pepper to every meal when I am taking turmeric.

I have managed to stay off Lipitor due to turmeric. With the turmeric and ginger, I have not had to have a Synvisc or cortisone injection in either of my knees for three years now. They were at the point of talking about replacement. They seldom bother me anymore. The site where the infection had eaten into my spine is totally clean and restored, as if nothing had happened there, according to the last MRI. This is what powerful, natural anti-inflammatories can do for you.

I also made 600mg cinnamon capsules and 500mg green tea capsules, Friday. These serve similar purposes. They both help regulate / reduce blood sugar and are powerful antioxidants to prevent cancer and other degenerative diseases. These take some careful choosing and preparation, however.

There are basically two kinds of cinnamon. The most commonly available is Cassia Cinnamon. It is produced mainly in China, Vietnam and elsewhere in Asia. The Chinese bark is darker brown. It does not curl up tightly in the drying process, and, most of the time, isn’t smooth. It takes some effort to break up the pieces. It is what is sold for baking spice as it is much less expensive than Ceylon Cinnamon, also known as “True” Cinnamon. Cassia Cinnamon has a sharper or hotter flavor than Ceylon Cinnamon. That may taste great on your rice or snickerdoodles, but it is not what we want. You don’t want to ingest large quantities of Cassia Cinnamon, because it contains large amounts of coumarin which can damage the liver.

The bark of Ceylon Cinnamon comes tightly rolled and smooth, with an orangey color. It has a relatively sweet flavor. It was originally produced in Ceylon, modern Sri Lanka. Now it is also produced in Mexico and India, as well. It is more favored in South American cuisine than Cassia Cinnamon. It has more health benefits than the Cassia, without the coumarin danger. Another word about cinnamon; if you have Type AB blood, you are most likely allergic to it. Cinnamon has many health benefits. I t is an antioxidant. It lowers so-called bad cholesterol and reduces the uptake of glucose in the blood when ingested 1/2 hour before meals by those with Type 2 Diabetes, among other things.

One would think it would be a simple matter of going to a food store and buying a box or tin of loose, green tea. Read the fine print! On my last trip to Assi Market, it took me over 20 minutes in the tea aisle before I found a box of simple green tea, nothing added, vacuum packed. It was from China by way of an Irish importer! Green tea has a range of benefits. It lowers cholesterol and blood pressure. It can lower blood sugar and improve the metabolism to digest and burn fat. This is especially important for those on a low carb diet. There is evidence that it is good for the brain to prevent Alzheimer’s disease. It can help prevent stroke and congestive heart failure. No wonder there are so many Chinese!

From time to time, I also make coriander, to help the kidneys; and garlic, to fight a cold or infection. I’m allergic to at least six classes of antibiotics, so I have to do my own homework and do my best to stay healthy. Using herbs and minerals, I have managed to avoid knee surgery, and those expensive injections for years, and reduce the number of prescription medications I regularly use from six to two, while improving my cholesterol, and more importantly, my inflammatory numbers. I now have put my Type 2 Diabetes into remission using nutrition. When they discharged me from the hospital in 2011, I had diabetes from the kidney failure and steroids they had put me on to fight the Stevens Johnsons Syndrome. So I think the time and effort are worth it.

I have set up two men my age down on the street with capsule making machines. One went to a walk-in clinic with bad arthritis in his knees. He was handed a prescription for a medication that would cost almost $400/month. He came to me. He said, “What are these people thinking? I am coming to a free, walk-in, clinic. How do they suppose I am going to afford this much for their drugs?” He paid me $15 for a capsule machine and a starter supply of ginger and turmeric from our good, bulk supplier in Amish country. This set up cost The King’s Jubilee about $30. He wanted to pay. I gave him a low ball number. He will stick to it and do it, if it cost him something. Although, he is a serious person. I started supplying another man, who used to be homeless, who then volunteered with us, with ginger and turmeric and green tea capsules. This started after he disappeared for a couple of weeks. He reappeared and told me the reason for his absence was he ate a chocolate bar and it put him in the hospital. I got tired of making his capsules, so I gave him a machine and bulk spices. The next week he said, “That’s really hard work! You must really love me!” His daughter was able to stop her insulin after she started faithfully using the green tea and turmeric. He passed on the love!

Tricky Chicky strikes again!

Last summer, as I was painting the Birds of Perkasie mural, many people stopped by to say Thank You. A few even left gifts and cards on my chair or among my paints for me, including cash. One lady left a birdseed bell with a note. She signed it “Tricky Chicky”. When I was around town or at the pool, people recognized me and said Thank You. Perkasie is a friendly community.

Yesterday, we received an envelope decorated with stars and and stickers. It was addressed “For the beautiful bird painter”, to our former address (the site of the mural). The mailman knew who it was for and got it to our new address, on Ridge Ave. It contained a card, decorated with bird stickers, that read:

Hello, Mr. Bird Painter!
I got you this gifty for the holidays but never got it in the mail so I’m sending it for Valentine’s Day instead. That’s probably more appropriate anyway because I love your beautiful bird wall! Yay! You lit up your little corner of the world & I appreciate it so much!
Thank you!
tricky chicky

Enclosed with this card was a $30 gift certificate to The Perk. My wife and I went there for lunch, today. It was a real treat! Since we moved and I have had so many health issues, we haven’t been able to pay all of our bills, much less go out. We each ordered about $9 meals, so we could leave a proper tip with the remainder. The food was excellent and generous portions.

Thank you, Tricky Chicky!

My Mac desk chair

Just after we moved into our current, slightly larger, small house in the middle of last month, we purchased a wooden table and three chairs for $50 through an online yard sale. The chairs are simple, sturdy, solid wood kitchen chairs. They were built for durability, not for comfort. We are using one for at the desk in the living room, one for a guest in the sewing room, and one for at my Mac computer which I use for editing photos.

I painted the living room chair Brazilian Tan. I painted my Mac chair Sunny Yellow, Cerulean Blue and Orange. It is part of my Perkasie Fun-A-Day 2019 home decor project.

Fun-A-Day 2019 project

I started participating in Fun-A-Day two years ago in the Lansdale Fun-A-Day and started the Perkasie Fun-A-Day last year. For each of those, I painted a separate piece each day. They were rather ambitious undertakings. This year, I started with the idea that I was going to work on a single painting every day during the month of January. I decided I didn’t like the painting that I started and changed my project. If it isn’t fun, what’s the point? The project I landed on is actually something I had been doing every day during the month. I just needed to document it. So, here goes.

I am sprucing up the rented house we moved into on December 15, 2018. This may involve painting original artwork.It has already included painting two doors.

1/1/19 and 1/2/19: I mounted my Three Stooges portrayal on canvas of our grandsons on the bathroom door on the 1st. I mounted the life-sized canvas I painted two years ago of our granddaughters on the wall between the bathroom and sewing room doors on the 2nd.

1/3/19:
I arranged the icons for the prayer corner in our bedroom and hung photos and mirror/shelf.

I also hung paintings on the bedroom door using Velcro Command strips.

1/4/19: On Friday, I painted the dough box “Brazilian Tan” to match the kitchen backsplash. I also painted both sides of the front door. It had never been painted. It was still Slumlord Gray.

1/5/19: On Saturday, I painted the remaining, tired, yellow wall in the bedroom white and hung family pictures there. I also hung a shelf I made and painted the day before, in the sewing room, hung pictures around it, and elsewhere in the room.

I hung my self-portraits and other creations in the hallway and back entry room.

Then I arranged more family photos and my art in the living room. Bethann sewed Velcro ‘hooks’ on the quilted valance that our daughter, Rosalie, made for our bedroom on 5th St. I mounted it on our headboard with adhesive Velcro fuzz.

1/6/19: On Sunday, I spent time unpacking the back entry, while the paint on the desk chair was drying. I also put the first coat on the soffit above the cupboards.

1/7/19: Today, I cleaned the first, original painting we ever owned, a horse race, and repainted the frame, and hung it in the back entry.

This project is fun and creative, and even beautiful.

Popovers (Yorkshire Pudding)

Popovers (The Brits call them Yorkshire Pudding.) are a simple, wonderful treat to upgrade any meal, or all by themselves for a snack. I have enjoyed them all of my life. It was only recently that I learned how simple they are to make. Most recipes are for one or two dozen. There are only two of us, now, so that would be far too many. They are best served fresh and hot, so we would either end up wasting food or having to wait for a special occasion with a larger gathering. So this recipe is for six popovers, which is just the right number for two. The recipe is so simple that I have made them to go with breakfast, lunch or dinner.

It is important to follow the recipe and to pay attention to temperatures in order for them to turn out right. Chemistry is involved.

Ingredients:

3 eggs, preferably at room temperature
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk, preferably at room temperature
1/2 cup flour. I use unbleached all-purpose flour.
olive oil

Directions:

Start the oven heating to 450° F. (If you forgot to leave the eggs out of the refrigerator to warm while you were taking your shower, you may want to set them on the back of the stove top to let the venting oven warm them a bit.)
Get your muffin tin out and oil 6 of the cups. I spray my tin. Refillable pump bottles are available which are more environmentally friendly than the aerosol type. Just be sure to give all of the cups you are going to use a generous coating. Then place it in the oven to preheat.
In a small mixing bowl or pan, whisk the eggs and salt until they are just mixed and a uniform yellow. Don’t overdo it. Add the milk and whisk together with the eggs and salt. Then mix in the flour until the batter is smooth with few to no lumps.
Once the oven comes to temperature, use hot pads to remove the muffin tin from the oven. The oil may look scorched. This is normal. Carefully pour the batter into 6 cups, trying to distribute it evenly. The cups should be slightly more than half full. There should be enough oil in the cups for it to climb up the sides of the tin enough for you to see it.
Place the tin in the oven and bake for 15 minutes. At 15 minutes, reduce the oven temp to 325° F. Look at the popovers, which are now puffed up tall. Decide how dark and crispy you want them to be and set your timer accordingly. My mom, B.J., made popovers that were dark and crunchy on the outside. We prefer ours golden brown and a bit softer. For softer, you make bake for as little as 5 additional minutes. For crunchy , bake for an additional 15 minutes.
After you make them a couple of times you will learn how your oven acts and what your preference is.

We serve them hot. We have our knives and butter ready! Most of the time they have holes in the bottom and we put a knifeful of butter in there , squeeze it a bit to help it melt, then munch it down. It’s good to have cloth napkins to clean up the flowing butter off of our faces and hands. These are a great side for bacon and eggs or next to a good soup or stew.

If you are having a party or have a larger family, just multiply the recipe for as many as you need.

Enjoy!